i quit my job for my health, but now i’m lost.| how i’ve been feeling lately #1

Hi there.

I’m going to be honest with you: I do not feel my best. Mild, but prevelant anxiety has crept it’s way back into my life. I feel as I am in a fog, sort of listless in life. I do not enjoy this feeling in the slightest. But for today’s post, I will just vent and put everything out there. If you’d like to read more upbeat posts about psoriasis advocacy, here are some recent posts:

But if you’d like to stay, you can. And if you’ve ever felt the same way I have, you can always return here and read this post. You are not alone.

I’ve had to quit my job.

After graduating last month, there was pressure to find a job–immediately. I searched for weeks on Indeed, applying as fast as my fingers could type. For about a month, I was swimming in the sea of oblivion, not knowing if I’d ever get a job.

And then huzzah!

A job fell into place. But just as sudden it fell into my lap, it suddenly became toxic. I was hired the day I was interviewed and was convinced that the job would be smooth sailing. However, that wasn’t the case. There were many issues from the start that I pretended didn’t exist. Besides that, the job was physically taxing on my body. Even though I only worked a few days a a week, I was required to transport heavy equipment and move things that I wasn’t expected to while others stood around and watched. On Monday of this week, I came home and my hip was locked so tightly that I wasn’t unable to walk up the stairs. I cried for hours, went to work the next morning, and continued to suffer more. I understood that there was nothing that the company could do about my pain. But besides that, the environment itself was draining and I was often being commanded by the male employees and told to undo things just to redo them and be critiqued. I was also being rushed from the male employees for them only to get frustrated and snatch the work from my hands. Also, a male employee claimed he was “passing by me” and brushed up against me.

I quit the next day, after my manager coincidentally called me asking “how are things?”, and I didn’t hold back.

I’ve felt very alone this week.

Not being in school for so long and not being around my friends has taken a toll on me. I spent a lot of time alone and reflecting, often getting caught in my head and trapping myself in negative thoughts. Not being around people who are like me has caused me to feel very confused at where I am.

I’m struggling with the arthritis pain, upset that I haven’t adapted to it yet.

I’ve been struggling with psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis for close to two years. But since graduating, my pain has seemed to increased. I’m not sure if the depression/anxiety cycle has affected the pain in my joints, but I’m having a hard time coping. I know the pain is not my fault, but I often blame myself more times than not for how I’m feeling. It’s very hard to function when the pain is this strong. I remember the days (not too long ago) when walking around in the sun didn’t affected me. But now I spent most of my days in bed, blogging and reading, trying to distract myself from the pain. It’s frustrating to have pain every single day and not get a break.

I feel very lost and it’s as if I’m floating.

I don’t like talking about my condition with my friends. I usually just keep everything bottled inside. Just a few nights ago, I did open up to a friend and I felt guilty. I felt guilty because I opened up to them. They were asking questions about the pain, trying to find a situation in how pain related to them. But they haven’t responded to my messages in about two days and I fear that I have burdened them with my problems. I don’t like speaking about psoriasis unless it’s with someone who has experienced the same as me, because I think others without it, struggle to process the severity of it and flee or they say, “I’m sorry,” and we move on. No one is obligated to listen to me. I will not force them to.

Thanks for making it to the bottom, if you did! I’d like to make this a series called “How I’ve Been Feeling Lately,” maybe posting weekly updates on my physical and emotional health. Let me know if I should continue!

I’m currently taking written submissions to be featured on the blog! Send me a DM on Twitter @lepsoriasisclub or send me an email: thepsoriasisclub@outlook.com

Love always,

-TPC

Twitter

Life with Psoriasis

psoriasis q + a: what it’s like living with psoriasis/psoriatic arthritis

Lately, as I’ve been writing more blog posts and trying to find others with psoriasis to connect with, I’ve been wondering if there was anyone who wanted to learn about psoriasis? I am always more than happy to provide my experiences on treatment, mental health, and my journey. But, I was beginning to feel like maybe I wasn’t answering the questions that those without psoriasis wanted to know. Luckily, Unwanted Life guided me, and gave me questions to answer to bring awareness to psoriasis + psoriatic arthritis! Thank you so much for this. 🙂

What’s the difference between having really bad dry skin problems and psoriasis?

The biggest difference is that psoriasis causes your immune system to weaken, whereas dry skin can just be caused from the soap you’re using, your environment, your diet, and stress levels. Dry skin may cause a little bit of flaking and minor pain. Dry skin is relatively the same across the board. With psoriasis, there are different types that all vary in levels of pain, treatment, and damage to the skin.

What are the different kinds of psoriasis and how can they affect you?

There are several different types of psoriasis! Just so I don’t share any incorrect information, here are the definitions as stated on The National Psoriasis Foundation website (psoriasis.org)!

Guttate Psoriasis:

Guttate psoriasis appears as small, round spots called papules [PAP-yules] that are raised and sometimes scaly. Guttate lesions usually appear on the arms, legs and torso, with rare cases forming in the scalp, face and ears.

Guttate psoriasis often develops suddenly and may appear after an infection like strep throat. It is a good idea to consult with your health care specialist to be checked for strep throat if you have guttate psoriasis, as that infection can occur without any obvious symptoms.

Inverse Psoriasis:

Inverse psoriasis (also known as intertriginous psoriasis) shows up as very red lesions in body folds. It may appear smooth and shiny. Many people have another type of psoriasis elsewhere on the body at the same time.

Inverse psoriasis is found in the armpits, groin, under the breasts and in other skin folds on the body.It is particularly subject to irritation from rubbing and sweating because of its location in skin folds and tender areas. It usually lacks the scale associated with plaque psoriasis due to the moist environment. It is more common in overweight people and people with deep skin folds.

Pustular Psoriasis

Pustular [PUHS-choo-lar] psoriasis is characterized by white pustules (blisters of noninfectious pus) surrounded by red skin. The pus consists of white blood cells. It is not an infection, nor is it contagious.

Pustular psoriasis is primarily seen in adults. It may be limited to certain areas of the body — for example, the hands and feet. Generalized pustular psoriasis also can cover most of the body. It tends to go in a cycle with reddening of the skin followed by pustules and scaling.

Erythrodermic Psoriasis

Erythrodermic [eh-REETH-ro-der-mik] psoriasis is a particularly inflammatory form of psoriasis that often affects most of the body surface. It may occur in association with von Zumbusch pustular psoriasis. It is a rare type of psoriasis, occurring once or more during the lifetime of 3 percent of people who have psoriasis. It generally appears on people who have unstable plaque psoriasis. This means the lesions are not clearly defined. Widespread, fiery redness and exfoliation of the skin characterize this form. Severe itching and pain often accompanies it.

What treatments are available for the different kinds of psoriasis?

Quite a few treatment options are available, such as injections, oral medications, topical creams, and even light therapy (phototherapy). I have only ever used topical creams and taken pain medication for my inverse + guttate psoriasis. Treatments like phototherapy or injections are incredibly expensive, and unfortunately, I am unable to afford them even with insurance. I know that both of these treatments have to be administered by a doctor, which require weekly or bi-weekly visits. There are phototherapy kits on Amazon to use as a home remedy, but I would recommend having a doctor administer the treatments in a medical setting.

Which moisturisers do you recommend for the dry skin psoriasis sufferers?

A few posts ago, I mentioned the wonders that the Curel Hydratherapy Wet Skin Moisturizer did for my skin (see how i saved my psoriatic skin). MG217 Medicated Multi-Symptom Coal Tar Ointment, MG217® Medicated Conditioning Coal Tar Shampoo, and Psoriasin Deep Moisturizing Ointment . (MG217 is approved by The National Psoriasis Foundation! My Patient Navigator Emma sent me several samples from this brand!) Anything with coal tar in it is extremely effective in relieving psoriasis symptoms. I’ve had complete healing from lesions and “holes” left from guttate psoriasis. However, it is very potent in both color and smell. Coal tar will stain your clothing, bedding, and skin a greenish-yellow tint. It has spread across my clothing, leaving trails of yellow streaks on white clothing in particular. If you use any of these topical creams, be sure to wear dark clothing!

And would they work for people who just have really bad dry skin?

Possibly! Though, it may be too strong for those who have mild dry skin.

How has having psoriasis affected your mental wellbeing?

In my last post psoriasis confidence?: i’m still not comfortable with my body, I gave sort of an in-depth account of how psoriasis caused my self-confidence to plummet and even affected my perception of myself as a woman. It has mostly affected my mental state in negative ways, causing me to have a low-self esteem. I’m still on the journey to accepting my body, but on more days than not, it’s hard.

What has helped you with your mental health recovery with tackling your psoriasis?

Talking about it with people who will listen has been the most effective method to helping me recover mentally. Sometimes, even if people don’t listen, I still talk about it anyway, just so it doesn’t fester in my mind and cause a panic attack. I’ve also begun riding my bike to relieve stress and actually, this is good for when you have arthritis, because it keeps your joints moving. Yet, I’ve also found that spending time alone has provided positive and negative outcomes in healing. For example, sometimes I like to be alone where I can read and be under my heating blanket in the quiet. But other times, I need to be around people because I don’t feel safe with being alone. Overall, just talking about it and finding a community online has begun to help me.

Is psoriasis something you’re born with, like a genetic disease, or is it something that can affect anyone?

I was not born with psoriasis, but it is a genetic disorder! I formed psoriasis after years of stress and anxiety, which was enhanced by a poor diet and lack of nutrition when I studied abroad in Hong Kong. I did have “eczema” as a kid, but looking back, I think it might’ve been a children’s form of psoriasis. But I’m not too sure.

What coping strategies do you have that you find affective for living with psoriasis, so that other suffers can benefit by using them for themselves?

Having open discussions with friends and family
Researching online everything you can so it’s not as scary
Reaching out to NPF because they have a reassuring and kind social media team that answers any questions you have, any time you have them
Speaking with a trusted doctor and being honest about your mental health
Looking for online support groups/others who have psoriasis
Watching YouTube videos online about how others cope, and listening to their stories
Be willing to try different methods of healing (topical creams, phototherapy, counseling for mental health, medication, meditation) and do not give up if a cream or medication doesn’t work. It took me about 2 years months to find an effective treatment!

Thank you to anyone who got this far in the post! I know it’s a bit long, but I wanted to answer the questions to my best ability. Thank you again to Unwanted Life for DM’ing me these really thoughtful questions. (Go ahead and give their blog and Twitter a follow too! They’re really supportive! 🙂 )I hope this helped you, and please don’t hesitate to reach out to either me or NPF with anything that you need.

Healing from psoriasis is possible. Just talk about it. Raise awareness. Try everything. You are not alone! 🙂