Mental Health

i have blogging anxiety.

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Strangely enough, my blog has become an anxiety-inducing factor in my life. I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to have perfect posts uploaded at the same time every day, hash-tagging everything to gain as much exposure as I can. I may have lost my passion for blogging, just that quickly, because of the pressure I put on myself. Blogging has now become sort of a dreaded thing. Unwritten posts seem like mountains maybe I can’t climb today. My head is just not in the space for (daily) blogging.

I started this blog to speak about my mental health, to be honest with what audience I had, to share my life, and to speak openly about my psoriasis. But maybe I placed myself in a box–a limitation that I can only speak about those things. And this past week, I haven’t really been up to speaking about my struggles, because in the previous weeks, I’ve been trying to heal from my own trauma. I think my niche of being a mental health blogger has overwhelmed me in that I feel like I can only talk about mental health. Or that I can only talk about chronic health.

For the past few days, I’ve been placing my energy in the hands of God, and I’d like to share my journey with you. But I feel like that I can’t, because I’ve created this platform of “The Psoriasis Club,” where my content only has to be about psoriasis.

I’ve also come to terms that I’m fishing for the same nostalgia that my previous lifestyle blog used to bring me. I’m putting pressure on myself to regain that following and happiness that I used to have with that blog. I thought about how I keep forcing myself to start at zero instead of just taking a break and continuing from where I was before. There is no rule saying that you can’t pick up back where you left off. There is no rule saying you have to start over every time. I left my old blog for memories sake. It was a dark time for me, while writing on that blog, because I was chronicling every aspect of my life openly…and it’s something I’d like to forget. I’d figure I’d get a fresh start with a new blog, but this one is starting to overwhelm me. I don’t have the drive and passion anymore, because I was lying to myself that I could reach the same “blogging Nirvana” as my old blog, which came from a genuine place that just so happened to gain a little following. My Twitter too. Everything about the engagement from that blog was authentic. On that Twitter, I gained over 1,000 followers–close to 2,000. Whereas now, I’m struggling to reach above 200.

I know we shouldn’t put worth on our follower count (and I spoke about that here ), but I get angry at myself for building up something and dedicating myself to creating a community, then deactivate my accounts because those seem to get to be too much, and then I abandon them to make a new one. I feel like most people have social media accounts and keep only one forever. But me, each new account gives me a chance to escape from who I truly am, and create a persona that I think people will like…instead of just accepting who I actually am.

I don’t know when I’ll log back in and make a new post. Or if I just need to stop hiding behind these new accounts over and over again. I’ve been on a journey of reading my Bible daily and creating Bible studies for myself, and that’s something I very much am enjoying right now. Maybe I’ll make a “Christian” category or maybe I will pop up again on the internet as someone new that you won’t be able to recognize, with a new URL and social media.

No matter my choice, I hope you stick with me.



my 5 favorite movies to watch on a self-care day

Hi there!

As you guys know, I love movies. I always have. The first movie I saw in the theaters was Lilo & Stitch (2001). I was amazed at how a story could be told on a screen, and not just in a book. In just two hours or less, when you watch a movie, you can be immersed in someone else’s story. And sometimes, there’s this magical moment where a movie really imprints on you and affects for the better. I’m still pretty traditional in that I cherish my DVDs. Don’t get me wrong, I love Netflix and I love the portability of Netflix. But my DVDs are forever. I’m the type of person that will see a movie a million times, and still buy the DVD. (Just as I’ll read a book at a library, love it, and will buy my own copy.) I picked five of my favorites to watch on a self-care day. Each day I take a few hours to myself to watch a movie with popcorn (see my disability morning routine) as it gives me a chance to rest my body and immerse myself in another narrative that isn’t me and my chronic illness/disability.

Photo by Charles 🇵🇭 on Unsplash

The Fault in Our Stars

Out of any and all of the movies I’ve ever seen in my life, I always go back to The Fault in Our Stars. I watch it at least once a month, I swear. It’s just something about that movie that’s so hopeful and magical, yet raw and real. It’s witty, and sad. I watch this movie when I’m happy or feeling low, in any mood. I love Shailene Woodley and pretty much every movie that she’s ever done. (See below to The Spectacular Now) I long to go to Amsterdam, because of this beautiful movie.

Me, Earl, and The Dying Girl

I watch this movie when I need a good laugh. But from the title, it doesn’t seem as if this movie is a laughing matter. But RJ Cyler as “Earl” keeps the movie lighthearted and fun, even when the topic of the movie is far from fun. The quick one-liners and awkward moments of silence depicts the reality of painfully quirky high school friendships. I first watched this movie after a friend recommended it in 2015 when it was first released and I bought the DVD winter break of that year. Ever since then, it’s stayed in my permanent collection and I just watched it last week!

The Spectacular Now

Another Shailene Woodley classic. I first saw the trailer for this movie on a cruise ship (while on family vacation) and I couldn’t wait to get back to the States to watch it. But when I got back to the States, I probably forgot to go see it. That was until I was in Wal-Mart and huzzah! There was The Spectacular Now movie on DVD. I got TSN DVD at the same time as getting the Me, Earl, and The Dying Girl DVD, and it was a tough decision–honestly-to pick which one to watch first. This movie also has an emotional place in my heart as I can relate to Shailene’s character, “Amy” on a few personal levels.


I usually don’t cry in movies, but I teared up when I first watched Up. I also watched this movie in theaters with my mom and my best friend at the time. Sadly, we stopped being friends after we saw this movie (we didn’t have problems, but our families clashed for reasons we couldn’t control). I find this movie so pretty and colorful. I recently watched this movie with a close friend when I was at a low in my life, and it helped me. So, I guess this movie represents friendship and healing for me! And the ending is so satisfying.

Toy Story 3

All of my friends know that I have an obsession with Lotso (the bear that smells like strawberries. I know he’s evil. I know he’s the bad guy, but he’s my favorite. I have two plushies of him and a ton of Lotso merch!). Toy Story 3 just gives me the warm fuzzies, because of the ending. Woody and the gang just fight so hard, always stick together, prevailing against Lotso. I just find it to be so cute at the end when Andy gives the toys to Bonnie before he goes off to college. I thought it was the perfect ending. I like Toy Story 4, but I enjoyed Toy Story 3 much more.

Comment down below some of your favorite movies!

*I’m so excited to announce that I am an affiliate of The Daily Grace! They offer Christian-based stationery that’s super cute, bible study tools, mugs, and even a magazine subscription service! Click the link below to take a cruise through their products and use it when you make a purchase. (*This post is not sponsored by The Daily Grace, but being an affiliate means that I make a small commission when purchases are made!*) :…! If you’re not ready to commit to anything, you can start with a FREE bible study and prayer guide!*

Love always,





the same milk tea two years later | reflecting on myself

“Would I be friends with the person that I was two years ago?”

I ask myself this question as I walk up to a cafe I haven’t been to in two years. The first time I tried this milk tea, I wasn’t too much different than I am now. The first time I went here, I was in a nasty depression-anxiety cycle because I was undeniably terrified of studying abroad in Hong Kong alone, which meant I had to make new friends, live in a new place, eat new food, and leave my core group of friends in the States for two months. Over the weekend, I felt that same nostalgia of being sad walking in. As you know, I’ve been struggling lately, but somehow ended up being at the same place where my depression brought me two years ago.

The cafe itself is exactly the same. The tea tastes exactly the same. The same employees are there. Nothing has changed on the menu. It’s still a bit overcrowded and tables are placed randomly alongside a walk-up coffee bar. But it made me think about how a place can stay the same and the people can change within it. Everyone goes about their life, visiting the same places, but not as the person they were–but as the person they are now. And every time you visit a place, you leave your mark there as the person you were in that moment, and you’ll never be the same person in the same place twice. Life is beautiful and scary and ever-changing.


When this photo was taken, I’d just been through a breakup. The breakup was toxic and hurtful. I completed a summer job, and felt comfortably financially. But mentally, I was not well. I numbed my pain in faking who I was online. Everything had to be curated. I couldn’t go anywhere without taking a picture and posted an edited photo. I spent so long editing this one that I stressed about the likes, hoping they’d reach a certain number. I escaped myself by becoming a “lifestyle blogger” trying to keep up with the ones who’d been doing this because it was their passion for years. (See my self-image story) I’d just deleted my high school Instagram to rid myself of the photos of my ex and I, instead of just taking the time to delete him away. On top of trying to keep up with appearances, the stress of obtaining a travel visa and the fear that I was going to hate Hong Kong caused my skin to begin to “breakout,” and I was starting to get itchy all over, but didn’t know how to control it.

Now, I’m in a much better place. I’ve been getting in touch with my faith. I’ve shifted my focus in what I want out of life and blogging. I’ve been discovering new coping mechanisms for anxiety and my depression. I’ve been enjoying outside more. I’ve been reflecting more. I was feeling so alone for the past few weeks, but yesterday, everything seemed to change. I reconnected with friends. I found happiness yesterday in reaching out for help, instead of being embarrassed about it. I went somewhere new (see celebrating #nationalicecreamday in d.c. with jeni’s!) and I feel like that relieved the fog that I had over myself for the past few weeks. I’ve accepted that I am no longer able to work because of my disability. Instead of letting it destroy me, I’ve been searching for some online opportunities, like applying for artists grants and signing up for affiliate programs. (I signed up for three last night! *Fingers crossed*) While I’m not perfectly content with where I am, I know I have room to grow, but I think I already have in small ways.


To answer the question above, I do think I’d be friends with the person that I was two years ago, but I’d just worry about her. I’d worry about her because of the scars on her arms and her constantly teary eyes. I’d worry about her because her head would always be down. I’d worry about her because she seemed to smile all of the time, but never tell me how she’d feel. I’d tell her that she is not her Instagram feed, and that she is allowed to struggle even if her Instagram doesn’t show it.

*While writing this post, I just received an affiliate program offer! One that I was holding my breath on and really hoping I’d get it because the company because I really respect what they do and the services that they offer. I’ll tell you more about it when all of the forms are finalized!*

Comment down below a place that you visit often (or maybe not) and have noticed growth in yourself!

I am now taking submissions for guests posts on this blog! So, if you have psoriatic arthritis, a disability, chronic illness, or struggle with your mental health, I want to hear from you! DM me on Twitter or drop me an email at, if you’re interested.

Love always,




Travel with Psoriasis

Celebrating #NationalIceCreamDay in D.C. with Jeni’s!


Yesterday, we celebrated #NationalIceCreamDay with Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams!

I’d found that they were “going on tour” in a cute ice cream truck and was heading to the northeast! I was pretty excited! Mainly, because I was looking forward to trying Tyler, the Creator’s “Snowflake” debut flavor (mint + white chocolate ice cream. Never was really a fan of mint ice cream, but was willing to try it just because of Tyler, the Creator). A man in front of us enthusiastically asked for “that mint flavor”, to which I perked up because I’m a huge fan of Tyler the Creator and and I looked forward to one of the employees sliding out a small cup of green and white ice cream. But unfortunately, it was unavailable and one of the employees said it was only at select stores. However, I was impressed by the friendly service of those working at the truck and how they even offered coupons to take! Nonetheless, there’s nothing much to complain about when you’re getting delicious FREE ice cream from a truck!

The Brambleberry Crisp flavor that I got was absolutely heavenly! It tastes just like a berry pie and had pie crust pieces in it. The berry filling was rich and sweet, but it wasn’t overwhelming. The ice cream was also smooth and creamy. This is a high quality ice cream that everyone needs in their life!

The truck was located at a local Whole Foods, which I hadn’t been in since late high school early college. (Surprisingly enough, one of my first dates was at a Whole Foods sophomore year of college. He took me to the hot bar, where I shoved Mac + Cheese into a recyclable container and ate it in his car. Very romantic, ladies! I know.) Whole Foods is very big, but it has everything you need. We also noticed a burger and fries station in-store. I also couldn’t help but pass up on the cute llama (or alpaca??) plant holder in front of me!

We eased our way on down to the wharf, but before reaching there, I snapped a shot of some local street art! Then we found this AWESOME pro-feminist Ruth Bader Ginsberg (my queen) jacket that was hand-painted!

We then visited a bookstore that had relatively every modern book that’s out right now. I was hoping for more of a vintage bookstore. Inside, however, were more up-to-date books such as Michelle Obama’s Becoming and Trevor Noah’s Born a Crime. There was a whole teen section that I fangirled over, but quickly realized that I’d read the majority of the books there, like All The Bright Places, Paper Towns, and Turtles All the Way Down. We left the store empty-handed, but wanted to stop by “milk” before we headed home.

I’d seen this place a million times on Instagram and Pinterest, so I was sort of brainwashed by the aesthetic of the place and what they offered from social feeds. The menu was a bit overwhelming for me, and I hadn’t noticed anything on the menu from vlogs or Pins. The employees that were working there also were maybe having a bad day and were just kind of not too nice. Plus, we found that a small cake (the one pictured below) was around $30. Even smaller items seemed overpriced. Going somewhere for the aesthetic and buying something overpriced can be an entire post in itself. (*Let me know if you want to know my thoughts on this!*)

The Wharf was beautiful and relaxing, but only for a few minutes. I enjoy being at the water. But because it was crazy, insane hot with a heat advisory, I began to sweat and my skin began to burn. (This is a common symptom of the psoriasis that I have. But it’s sort of triggering for me because it brings back dreadful memories of last year when I’d sweat and scratch and turn into a burning little ball.) At this point, I was about to have anxiety attack because I was beginning to scratch and I worried myself. We couldn’t find our car for a solid 20 minutes and I was slowly trickling down a spiral of panic and overheating, trying to ignore the stinging at my neck. Luckily, we finally found the car, and on the ride home, we passed by the Washington Monument! (*You can see my mom driving below! Teehee!*)

Comment down below if you’ve ever been to D.C.!

I am now taking submissions for guests posts on this blog! So, if you have psoriatic arthritis, a disability, chronic illness, or struggle with your mental health, I want to hear from you! DM me on Twitter or drop me an email at, if you’re interested.

*Also: Recommend some YA books to me! Looking for some new summer reads!

Love always,





what i eat in a day | healthy + easy meals for psoriatic skin

Hi there!

While I am currently struggling a bit with my mental health, and sometimes eating seems like a big task, I realized I had to find joy in the little things. Such as getting creative with food. I just recently quit my job for my health, so now I have more time to focus on myself. I don’t live on my own, because I attempted to do so last year, and it negatively impacted both my physical and mental health. So, I’ve moved back home. On this day, my mom and I decided to get creative with lunch and it turned out surprisingly good!


green smoothie + frosted rice krispies

Breakfast is relatively the same every day. When I was working, all I’d have time for in the morning was cereal. But then as soon as I’d leave my house (at 5:30 a.m.) I’d already be starving on the drive to work. I’ve been wanting to add more to my breakfasts, so this morning I made a green smoothie. I first started making smoothies last year when I used to live on my own. I was obsessed, and would drink one three times a day with my meals. My roommate even started making them with me. I use Dole frozen fruit, which I find to be the most convenient. This one is a mix of pineapple, apples, mangos, spinach, and pineapple juice (my go-to combo). I added a vegan protein powder that sort of ruined the smoothie, was gritty, and I wasn’t used to the texture. But without the powder, it’s very good. When I was a kid I loved the Rice Krispie Treats cereal, but I haven’t found it in years! Frosted Krispies is similar, but definitely not the same.


baked beans, ground beef, rice, and corn

Lunch got a little interesting as we decided to experiment. For years, my mom has always made plain baked beans with hot dogs. That was a go-to meal for us. But I dated a boy who’s family used to always put ground beef in their baked beans for special dinners at their house on Sunday. I tried it once and instantly fell in love. Years later, I convinced my mom to do the same. I was reminiscing about when we always used to go to a restaurant called Rosa Mexicana and gorge on their Mexican street corn. We didn’t have all of the tools to make it, but we improvised. It ended up being a hit and we ate it so quickly. No leftovers here! Beans + meat provide protein!


tilapia, peas, and mac + cheese

Fruits, veggies, and fish all have anti-inflammatory properties that help tame psoriasis. Fish has omega-3 fatty acids that help build a weakened immune system. I’ve always loved the flavor of fish, peas, and mac + cheese. I’ve been eating this same meal since I was a kid. There’s just something about it that gives me a warm and cozy feeling. Knowing that it’s helping me tame my psoriasis is even better. Did you notice that we drink a lot of lemonade?

Thank you so much for reading this post! Hopefully, this will give you some meal ideas if you have psoriasis, or just looking for some healthier meal options versus going out to eat. Comment down below some of your favorite childhood meals.

Love always,




Life with Psoriasis

psoriasis q + a: what it’s like living with psoriasis/psoriatic arthritis

Lately, as I’ve been writing more blog posts and trying to find others with psoriasis to connect with, I’ve been wondering if there was anyone who wanted to learn about psoriasis? I am always more than happy to provide my experiences on treatment, mental health, and my journey. But, I was beginning to feel like maybe I wasn’t answering the questions that those without psoriasis wanted to know. Luckily, Unwanted Life guided me, and gave me questions to answer to bring awareness to psoriasis + psoriatic arthritis! Thank you so much for this. 🙂

What’s the difference between having really bad dry skin problems and psoriasis?

The biggest difference is that psoriasis causes your immune system to weaken, whereas dry skin can just be caused from the soap you’re using, your environment, your diet, and stress levels. Dry skin may cause a little bit of flaking and minor pain. Dry skin is relatively the same across the board. With psoriasis, there are different types that all vary in levels of pain, treatment, and damage to the skin.

What are the different kinds of psoriasis and how can they affect you?

There are several different types of psoriasis! Just so I don’t share any incorrect information, here are the definitions as stated on The National Psoriasis Foundation website (!

  • Guttate Psoriasis:

Guttate psoriasis appears as small, round spots called papules [PAP-yules] that are raised and sometimes scaly. Guttate lesions usually appear on the arms, legs and torso, with rare cases forming in the scalp, face and ears.

Guttate psoriasis often develops suddenly and may appear after an infection like strep throat. It is a good idea to consult with your health care specialist to be checked for strep throat if you have guttate psoriasis, as that infection can occur without any obvious symptoms.

  • Inverse Psoriasis:

Inverse psoriasis (also known as intertriginous psoriasis) shows up as very red lesions in body folds. It may appear smooth and shiny. Many people have another type of psoriasis elsewhere on the body at the same time.

Inverse psoriasis is found in the armpits, groin, under the breasts and in other skin folds on the body.It is particularly subject to irritation from rubbing and sweating because of its location in skin folds and tender areas. It usually lacks the scale associated with plaque psoriasis due to the moist environment. It is more common in overweight people and people with deep skin folds.

  • Pustular Psoriasis

Pustular [PUHS-choo-lar] psoriasis is characterized by white pustules (blisters of noninfectious pus) surrounded by red skin. The pus consists of white blood cells. It is not an infection, nor is it contagious.

Pustular psoriasis is primarily seen in adults. It may be limited to certain areas of the body — for example, the hands and feet. Generalized pustular psoriasis also can cover most of the body. It tends to go in a cycle with reddening of the skin followed by pustules and scaling.

  • Erythrodermic Psoriasis

Erythrodermic [eh-REETH-ro-der-mik] psoriasis is a particularly inflammatory form of psoriasis that often affects most of the body surface. It may occur in association with von Zumbusch pustular psoriasis. It is a rare type of psoriasis, occurring once or more during the lifetime of 3 percent of people who have psoriasis. It generally appears on people who have unstable plaque psoriasis. This means the lesions are not clearly defined. Widespread, fiery redness and exfoliation of the skin characterize this form. Severe itching and pain often accompanies it.

What treatments are available for the different kinds of psoriasis?

Quite a few treatment options are available, such as injections, oral medications, topical creams, and even light therapy (phototherapy). I have only ever used topical creams and taken pain medication for my inverse + guttate psoriasis. Treatments like phototherapy or injections are incredibly expensive, and unfortunately, I am unable to afford them even with insurance. I know that both of these treatments have to be administered by a doctor, which require weekly or bi-weekly visits. There are phototherapy kits on Amazon to use as a home remedy, but I would recommend having a doctor administer the treatments in a medical setting.

Which moisturisers do you recommend for the dry skin psoriasis sufferers?

A few posts ago, I mentioned the wonders that the Curel Hydratherapy Wet Skin Moisturizer did for my skin (see how i saved my psoriatic skin). MG217 Medicated Multi-Symptom Coal Tar Ointment, MG217® Medicated Conditioning Coal Tar Shampoo, and Psoriasin Deep Moisturizing Ointment . (MG217 is approved by The National Psoriasis Foundation! My Patient Navigator Emma sent me several samples from this brand!) Anything with coal tar in it is extremely effective in relieving psoriasis symptoms. I’ve had complete healing from lesions and “holes” left from guttate psoriasis. However, it is very potent in both color and smell. Coal tar will stain your clothing, bedding, and skin a greenish-yellow tint. It has spread across my clothing, leaving trails of yellow streaks on white clothing in particular. If you use any of these topical creams, be sure to wear dark clothing!

And would they work for people who just have really bad dry skin?

Possibly! Though, it may be too strong for those who have mild dry skin.

How has having psoriasis affected your mental wellbeing?

In my last post psoriasis confidence?: i’m still not comfortable with my body, I gave sort of an in-depth account of how psoriasis caused my self-confidence to plummet and even affected my perception of myself as a woman. It has mostly affected my mental state in negative ways, causing me to have a low-self esteem. I’m still on the journey to accepting my body, but on more days than not, it’s hard.

What has helped you with your mental health recovery with tackling your psoriasis?

Talking about it with people who will listen has been the most effective method to helping me recover mentally. Sometimes, even if people don’t listen, I still talk about it anyway, just so it doesn’t fester in my mind and cause a panic attack. I’ve also begun riding my bike to relieve stress and actually, this is good for when you have arthritis, because it keeps your joints moving. Yet, I’ve also found that spending time alone has provided positive and negative outcomes in healing. For example, sometimes I like to be alone where I can read and be under my heating blanket in the quiet. But other times, I need to be around people because I don’t feel safe with being alone. Overall, just talking about it and finding a community online has begun to help me.

Is psoriasis something you’re born with, like a genetic disease, or is it something that can affect anyone?

I was not born with psoriasis, but it is a genetic disorder! I formed psoriasis after years of stress and anxiety, which was enhanced by a poor diet and lack of nutrition when I studied abroad in Hong Kong. I did have “eczema” as a kid, but looking back, I think it might’ve been a children’s form of psoriasis. But I’m not too sure.

What coping strategies do you have that you find affective for living with psoriasis, so that other suffers can benefit by using them for themselves?

  • Having open discussions with friends and family
  • Researching online everything you can so it’s not as scary
  • Reaching out to NPF because they have a reassuring and kind social media team that answers any questions you have, any time you have them
  • Speaking with a trusted doctor and being honest about your mental health
  • Looking for online support groups/others who have psoriasis
  • Watching YouTube videos online about how others cope, and listening to their stories
  • Be willing to try different methods of healing (topical creams, phototherapy, counseling for mental health, medication, meditation) and do not give up if a cream or medication doesn’t work. It took me about 2 years months to find an effective treatment!

Thank you to anyone who got this far in the post! I know it’s a bit long, but I wanted to answer the questions to my best ability. Thank you again to Unwanted Life for DM’ing me these really thoughtful questions. (Go ahead and give their blog and Twitter a follow too! They’re really supportive! 🙂 )I hope this helped you, and please don’t hesitate to reach out to either me or NPF with anything that you need.

Healing from psoriasis is possible. Just talk about it. Raise awareness. Try everything. You are not alone! 🙂

Love always,