Mental Health

i have blogging anxiety.

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Strangely enough, my blog has become an anxiety-inducing factor in my life. I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to have perfect posts uploaded at the same time every day, hash-tagging everything to gain as much exposure as I can. I may have lost my passion for blogging, just that quickly, because of the pressure I put on myself. Blogging has now become sort of a dreaded thing. Unwritten posts seem like mountains maybe I can’t climb today. My head is just not in the space for (daily) blogging.

I started this blog to speak about my mental health, to be honest with what audience I had, to share my life, and to speak openly about my psoriasis. But maybe I placed myself in a box–a limitation that I can only speak about those things. And this past week, I haven’t really been up to speaking about my struggles, because in the previous weeks, I’ve been trying to heal from my own trauma. I think my niche of being a mental health blogger has overwhelmed me in that I feel like I can only talk about mental health. Or that I can only talk about chronic health.

For the past few days, I’ve been placing my energy in the hands of God, and I’d like to share my journey with you. But I feel like that I can’t, because I’ve created this platform of “The Psoriasis Club,” where my content only has to be about psoriasis.

I’ve also come to terms that I’m fishing for the same nostalgia that my previous lifestyle blog used to bring me. I’m putting pressure on myself to regain that following and happiness that I used to have with that blog. I thought about how I keep forcing myself to start at zero instead of just taking a break and continuing from where I was before. There is no rule saying that you can’t pick up back where you left off. There is no rule saying you have to start over every time. I left my old blog for memories sake. It was a dark time for me, while writing on that blog, because I was chronicling every aspect of my life openly…and it’s something I’d like to forget. I’d figure I’d get a fresh start with a new blog, but this one is starting to overwhelm me. I don’t have the drive and passion anymore, because I was lying to myself that I could reach the same “blogging Nirvana” as my old blog, which came from a genuine place that just so happened to gain a little following. My Twitter too. Everything about the engagement from that blog was authentic. On that Twitter, I gained over 1,000 followers–close to 2,000. Whereas now, I’m struggling to reach above 200.

I know we shouldn’t put worth on our follower count (and I spoke about that here ), but I get angry at myself for building up something and dedicating myself to creating a community, then deactivate my accounts because those seem to get to be too much, and then I abandon them to make a new one. I feel like most people have social media accounts and keep only one forever. But me, each new account gives me a chance to escape from who I truly am, and create a persona that I think people will like…instead of just accepting who I actually am.

I don’t know when I’ll log back in and make a new post. Or if I just need to stop hiding behind these new accounts over and over again. I’ve been on a journey of reading my Bible daily and creating Bible studies for myself, and that’s something I very much am enjoying right now. Maybe I’ll make a “Christian” category or maybe I will pop up again on the internet as someone new that you won’t be able to recognize, with a new URL and social media.

No matter my choice, I hope you stick with me.

-TPC

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2 thoughts on “i have blogging anxiety.

  1. I do the same thing with online accounts – starting over, coming back, over and over again. You’re definitely not alone! (Although I do know people who have had the same IG account for a decade and stuff like that…I definitely couldn’t do that myself!)
    I kept leaving and coming back to my blog because I was struggling to be myself on there. Last year was rough for me, and I’d think making a new blog would help me feel better, when in reality, I needed to be in a better place emotionally so that I can enjoy blogging on Dreaming of Guatemala. 🙂 It’s something that took me a long time to realize!
    Having a blog (or anything online) dedicated to one, very specific topic can get tiring very quickly. The cool thing about them is that for people researching the topic, that kind of blog is a gold mine of information. But for the person writing on the blog, the content is very repetitive and limiting!
    I’ll be praying that you find the right blog that works for you. Don’t be afraid to start over again if that’s what will lead you to the right online platform for you 🙂

    Like

  2. Thanks for your openness! Don’t feel locked down to specific types of posts. Your readers want to hear you, and that’s what matters the most. Started my blog with series recaps, and my latest post was about side hustle…see how different those are?

    I also once had a thriving business with lots of followers on social media, had a blog with it too and all that. I scratched that and started from ground zero with my new blog… everything takes time, but you’ll get there (also keep in mind that blogging was much more popular back in the days than it is now, so don’t be too hard on yourself).

    Lastly, consider revisiting your posting frequency. Posting everyday sounds legit stressful, if you want to post quality content. I post every other week…that’s what works for my peace of mind.

    Wish you healing and the very best!

    Like

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