When I was a teenager, I thought I had to look like this–because looking like this equated to beauty, perfection, and success.
My high school years were doused in the obsession with British YouTubers, like Zoe Sugg and Niomi Smart who seemed to have it all together–proper businesswomen in blazers and a full face of makeup. While I was watching their seemingly-perfect lives, I was hating myself for not looking like them.
My skin is not porcealian like theirs. I’m African-American with Native American descendants, so I certainly don’t look like them. My hair isn’t silky smooth, tamed by products catered for those with their hair type. Clothing from high end brands just seemed unrealistic and unaffordable to wear through the hallways of high school. They always seemed to find their perfect shade of foundation, boasting about how Tarte’s Shape-Tape foundation was perfect for them, while people of color struggled to find a shade that wasn’t an ashy orange.
I forced myself to change, trying to fit their mold. I would browse the racks of Forever 21 in attempt to find something close to Zoella’s cozy knit sweaters or floral rompers, when my comfortable style consisted of graphic tees and jeans. I forced myself to spend more time on pounding a beauty blender into my skin, rather than on my mental health. I forced myself to become more feminine, not only to be like them, but to seek apporoval from everyone else.
Because the British YouTubers had such a success back in the early 2010s, venturing off on sponsored trips to Dubai or receiving free makeup kits from the brands us non-YouTubers poured our money into, it placed me in a mindset that the only way to even feel an ounce of happiness (or obtain an ounce of their riches) was to act like them. Only recently have POC YouTubers spoken out about the unfairness creators of color experience, particularly on trips sponsored by brands that are claiming to cater to anyone of any race.
Like, Dote. You’ve heard this story quite a few times, but that doesn’t make what Danielle Perkins had to go through any less valid. Below is what it is like to experience racial privlege in a social setting. It’s important to understand that this is not a fun situation to be in. I’ve experienced this first- hand through many of my school years. Honestly, it was pretty triggering watching this video because it was hauntingly familiar.
Now, things are starting to shift different. With more POC females being represented in mainstream media, such as Halle Bailey being casted as Ariel, there’s less pressure to try and look like someone you’re not. Instead, there’s more of an embrace to be someone that you are.
I would like to create a skin-confident version of this post about how having psoriasis affected my self-image. Let me know if that’s something you’d like to see.
Love always,
-TPC
thepsoriasisclub.health.blog 
Very powerful post!! I’m so glad you’re beginning to see that you are PERFECT in your own skin!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much for this!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think it’d be a great post idea. Thanks for being so open and honest! It’s very relatable. 😊
LikeLike
You’re welcome!! I wasn’t sure if others could relate to it but thank you for saying that. I’ll be sure to add it to my list!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Being honest about body and image struggles is very relatable. It helps build a community and shows others we aren’t alone in our insecurities. Good job!!
LikeLike
I think that you should always be yourself. You are beautiful! But I understand first hand how hard it is most of the time. Especially when you yourself haven’t accepted yourself for who you are either. It took me almost 10 years before I wore shorts out in public cause I have vitiliago and everyone used to say things about me or make fun of me. We gotta stand up and be who we are, cause we are awesome!! I love your blog by the way. :]
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow! I’m almost brought to tears because our stories are very similar. It’s heartbreaking to hear that people made fun of you! That’s awful. People suck sometimes. You see beautiful as well and I’m so happy that you are confident in who you are, because that motivates me!
LikeLike
Listen it takes time and there are still a lot of days im not confident. Especially when I see people staring but I cant live in Florida anymore and just wear jeans haha but i do hope you can find your confidence!
LikeLiked by 1 person
YES that’s content that I (and I’m guessing others too!!) would like to see. Love your openness and honesty ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much for your kindness! I’ll definitely post more about my psoriasis journey if it’s something you’d like to see. I was afraid at first because I didn’t want people to think that I was hating on anyone or bashing anyone. But it’s comments like these that keep me going!
LikeLiked by 1 person
This was a really interesting read! It’s so easy to be caught up in a particular subcultural group and aspire to take on all of it’s aesthetics. It’s even more problematic when you look nothing like that aesthetic- as we grow though it’s important to find real value in ourselves and subsequently find content that celebrates us and affirms who we are. I would love to read your skin-confident version of this post!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much for commenting! I truly am grateful for comments like this especially when it’s from someone who understand. I definitely think that the “aesthetic” for influencers needs some major work, hopefully we’ll get there soon. And thank you so much for seeing my question down at the bottom! I’ll surely post it soon!
LikeLike
Pingback: psoriasis confidence?: i’m still not comfortable with my body |
Pingback: the same milk tea two years later | reflecting on myself |