Tag Archives: depression

Life with Psoriasis

my period essentials | clue app, pain relief, and period underwear!

Periods, on their own, can quickly become a nuisance when our lives are so busy and we are always on the go. For all hours of the day, there’s just this constant care and constant pain. But when you’re struggling to cope with your mental health (or have a physical disability, or both) your period may seem like a dreaded monthly task. I know when my period is on its way, my joint pain increases. I become more vulnerable emotionally and place myself into a dark space. My heating blanket becomes my best friend and my disability becomes a little bit harder to cope with when my period comes around. Realistically, periods are not happy and beautiful times where women are frolicking in flower fields with their tampons. It’s lying in bed with numbing cramps and having to spend time properly caring for yourself to prevent things like odor or infection. But with these four period hacks, I hope that this will make your “period week” (or longer or shorter), a little easier:

Track your period with an app!

I found that tracking my period with an app helps me prepare for my period every month, as well as help me understand my body more. I only just started tracking my period this year, and it’s helped ease the anxiety of not knowing when my period was coming and how to care for myself properly. Before tracking my period, I’d always be caught off guard by my period and then I’d have a panic attack because I felt underprepared. Once I started tracking my period, as well as listening to my body, then I felt I was in more control of something that was natural but inevitable. I use the Clue App (not sponsored, I just really love this app!) to track my period. With Clue, you’re not just tracking your period, but you’re tracking your mental wellbeing, your habits, and sleep…just to name a few things! Looking at how much I’ve been improving with stopping and listening to my body and look at how I care for myself monthly, it calmed me down and changed my perception of my own period.

Keep a heated blanket on yourself often!

Last winter, my mom sent me an electric blanket and it saved my life. My psoriatic arthritis/psoriasis becomes terribly inflamed in the cold. However, my roommate was from a colder climate and liked to keep the A.C. on in the winter. I struggled with the cold temperature of the room, often shivering under my heated blanket. We couldn’t seem to find a compromise on the temperature. While it was never hostile, I definitely suffered. Especially when I was on my period. Not ever being able to regulate my body temperature and constantly being cold, increased both my menstrual cramp pain and my joint pain. I am so grateful for my heated blanket and have noticed a difference in coping with both my psoriasis and cramps by wrapping myself in a heated blanket and setting the temperature to “high”. (The great thing about heated blankets is that you can set the temperature and a timer to both save energy and prevent injury if you fall asleep!)

Try some period underwear!

I never thought I’d ever wear period underwear, but I will say it was one of the greatest things I’ve ever done. While in Hong Kong, there wasn’t any overnight pads. Our only option was to buy thin daily pads and then these thick period “diaper-like” devices. I actually really liked them, however they were pretty tight and I needed to size up (but I think there was only one size but one size clearly doesn’t fit all!) However, I went to be comforted every night, not worried about if my pad was going to shift and I was going to bleed through my pajamas or sheets. They may be a bit uncomfortable because it’s a new feeling, but I was hooked once I wore these.

Keep water + pain relief by your bedside to save your energy!

There are some days when I take my period harder than others. When my joint pain is inflamed along with my cramps, it’s very hard to get out of bed. So, I keep everything beside my bed so I can save my energy to go eat meals or taking care of myself in other ways. I can also save my energy by using a really large water bottle so that I won’t have to keep walking up and down the stairs to refill my water bottle. I take Ibuprofen multiple times a day for either menstrual cramps or joint pain. Last night my cramps were bad and the worst they been in a while, I took three Ibuprofen and was able to sleep at a decent hour.

Comment below what your period essentials are!

OPTIONAL READ: *I’m thinking about starting a Bible study series! Let me know if this is something you’d like to read!* I’m so excited to announce that I am an affiliate of The Daily Grace! They offer Christian-based stationery that’s super cute, bible study tools, mugs, and even a magazine subscription service! Click the link below to take a cruise through their products and use it when you make a purchase. (*This post is not sponsored by The Daily Grace, but being an affiliate means that I make a small commission when purchases are made!*) : https://www.thedailygraceco.com/?rfsn=2946246.eb8c5) thedailygraceco.com/?rfsn=2946246.…! If you’re not ready to commit to anything, you can start with a FREE bible study and prayer guide!*

Love always,

-TPC

Twitter

Pinterest

Standard
Uncategorized

the same milk tea two years later | reflecting on myself

“Would I be friends with the person that I was two years ago?”

I ask myself this question as I walk up to a cafe I haven’t been to in two years. The first time I tried this milk tea, I wasn’t too much different than I am now. The first time I went here, I was in a nasty depression-anxiety cycle because I was undeniably terrified of studying abroad in Hong Kong alone, which meant I had to make new friends, live in a new place, eat new food, and leave my core group of friends in the States for two months. Over the weekend, I felt that same nostalgia of being sad walking in. As you know, I’ve been struggling lately, but somehow ended up being at the same place where my depression brought me two years ago.

The cafe itself is exactly the same. The tea tastes exactly the same. The same employees are there. Nothing has changed on the menu. It’s still a bit overcrowded and tables are placed randomly alongside a walk-up coffee bar. But it made me think about how a place can stay the same and the people can change within it. Everyone goes about their life, visiting the same places, but not as the person they were–but as the person they are now. And every time you visit a place, you leave your mark there as the person you were in that moment, and you’ll never be the same person in the same place twice. Life is beautiful and scary and ever-changing.

2017

When this photo was taken, I’d just been through a breakup. The breakup was toxic and hurtful. I completed a summer job, and felt comfortably financially. But mentally, I was not well. I numbed my pain in faking who I was online. Everything had to be curated. I couldn’t go anywhere without taking a picture and posted an edited photo. I spent so long editing this one that I stressed about the likes, hoping they’d reach a certain number. I escaped myself by becoming a “lifestyle blogger” trying to keep up with the ones who’d been doing this because it was their passion for years. (See my self-image story) I’d just deleted my high school Instagram to rid myself of the photos of my ex and I, instead of just taking the time to delete him away. On top of trying to keep up with appearances, the stress of obtaining a travel visa and the fear that I was going to hate Hong Kong caused my skin to begin to “breakout,” and I was starting to get itchy all over, but didn’t know how to control it.

Now, I’m in a much better place. I’ve been getting in touch with my faith. I’ve shifted my focus in what I want out of life and blogging. I’ve been discovering new coping mechanisms for anxiety and my depression. I’ve been enjoying outside more. I’ve been reflecting more. I was feeling so alone for the past few weeks, but yesterday, everything seemed to change. I reconnected with friends. I found happiness yesterday in reaching out for help, instead of being embarrassed about it. I went somewhere new (see celebrating #nationalicecreamday in d.c. with jeni’s!) and I feel like that relieved the fog that I had over myself for the past few weeks. I’ve accepted that I am no longer able to work because of my disability. Instead of letting it destroy me, I’ve been searching for some online opportunities, like applying for artists grants and signing up for affiliate programs. (I signed up for three last night! *Fingers crossed*) While I’m not perfectly content with where I am, I know I have room to grow, but I think I already have in small ways.

2019

To answer the question above, I do think I’d be friends with the person that I was two years ago, but I’d just worry about her. I’d worry about her because of the scars on her arms and her constantly teary eyes. I’d worry about her because her head would always be down. I’d worry about her because she seemed to smile all of the time, but never tell me how she’d feel. I’d tell her that she is not her Instagram feed, and that she is allowed to struggle even if her Instagram doesn’t show it.

*While writing this post, I just received an affiliate program offer! One that I was holding my breath on and really hoping I’d get it because the company because I really respect what they do and the services that they offer. I’ll tell you more about it when all of the forms are finalized!*

Comment down below a place that you visit often (or maybe not) and have noticed growth in yourself!

I am now taking submissions for guests posts on this blog! So, if you have psoriatic arthritis, a disability, chronic illness, or struggle with your mental health, I want to hear from you! DM me on Twitter or drop me an email at thepsoriasisclub@outlook.com, if you’re interested.

Love always,

-TPC

Twitter

Pinterest

Standard
Journal

i quit my job for my health, but now i’m lost.| how i’ve been feeling lately #1

Hi there.

I’m going to be honest with you: I do not feel my best. Mild, but prevelant anxiety has crept it’s way back into my life. I feel as I am in a fog, sort of listless in life. I do not enjoy this feeling in the slightest. But for today’s post, I will just vent and put everything out there. If you’d like to read more upbeat posts about psoriasis advocacy, here are some recent posts:

But if you’d like to stay, you can. And if you’ve ever felt the same way I have, you can always return here and read this post. You are not alone.

I’ve had to quit my job.

After graduating last month, there was pressure to find a job–immediately. I searched for weeks on Indeed, applying as fast as my fingers could type. For about a month, I was swimming in the sea of oblivion, not knowing if I’d ever get a job.

And then huzzah!

A job fell into place. But just as sudden it fell into my lap, it suddenly became toxic. I was hired the day I was interviewed and was convinced that the job would be smooth sailing. However, that wasn’t the case. There were many issues from the start that I pretended didn’t exist. Besides that, the job was physically taxing on my body. Even though I only worked a few days a a week, I was required to transport heavy equipment and move things that I wasn’t expected to while others stood around and watched. On Monday of this week, I came home and my hip was locked so tightly that I wasn’t unable to walk up the stairs. I cried for hours, went to work the next morning, and continued to suffer more. I understood that there was nothing that the company could do about my pain. But besides that, the environment itself was draining and I was often being commanded by the male employees and told to undo things just to redo them and be critiqued. I was also being rushed from the male employees for them only to get frustrated and snatch the work from my hands. Also, a male employee claimed he was “passing by me” and brushed up against me.

I quit the next day, after my manager coincidentally called me asking “how are things?”, and I didn’t hold back.

I’ve felt very alone this week.

Not being in school for so long and not being around my friends has taken a toll on me. I spent a lot of time alone and reflecting, often getting caught in my head and trapping myself in negative thoughts. Not being around people who are like me has caused me to feel very confused at where I am.

I’m struggling with the arthritis pain, upset that I haven’t adapted to it yet.

I’ve been struggling with psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis for close to two years. But since graduating, my pain has seemed to increased. I’m not sure if the depression/anxiety cycle has affected the pain in my joints, but I’m having a hard time coping. I know the pain is not my fault, but I often blame myself more times than not for how I’m feeling. It’s very hard to function when the pain is this strong. I remember the days (not too long ago) when walking around in the sun didn’t affected me. But now I spent most of my days in bed, blogging and reading, trying to distract myself from the pain. It’s frustrating to have pain every single day and not get a break.

I feel very lost and it’s as if I’m floating.

I don’t like talking about my condition with my friends. I usually just keep everything bottled inside. Just a few nights ago, I did open up to a friend and I felt guilty. I felt guilty because I opened up to them. They were asking questions about the pain, trying to find a situation in how pain related to them. But they haven’t responded to my messages in about two days and I fear that I have burdened them with my problems. I don’t like speaking about psoriasis unless it’s with someone who has experienced the same as me, because I think others without it, struggle to process the severity of it and flee or they say, “I’m sorry,” and we move on. No one is obligated to listen to me. I will not force them to.

Thanks for making it to the bottom, if you did! I’d like to make this a series called “How I’ve Been Feeling Lately,” maybe posting weekly updates on my physical and emotional health. Let me know if I should continue!

I’m currently taking written submissions to be featured on the blog! Send me a DM on Twitter @lepsoriasisclub or send me an email: thepsoriasisclub@outlook.com

Love always,

-TPC

Twitter

Pinterest

Standard
Life with Psoriasis

psoriasis q + a: what it’s like living with psoriasis/psoriatic arthritis

Lately, as I’ve been writing more blog posts and trying to find others with psoriasis to connect with, I’ve been wondering if there was anyone who wanted to learn about psoriasis? I am always more than happy to provide my experiences on treatment, mental health, and my journey. But, I was beginning to feel like maybe I wasn’t answering the questions that those without psoriasis wanted to know. Luckily, Unwanted Life guided me, and gave me questions to answer to bring awareness to psoriasis + psoriatic arthritis! Thank you so much for this. 🙂

What’s the difference between having really bad dry skin problems and psoriasis?

The biggest difference is that psoriasis causes your immune system to weaken, whereas dry skin can just be caused from the soap you’re using, your environment, your diet, and stress levels. Dry skin may cause a little bit of flaking and minor pain. Dry skin is relatively the same across the board. With psoriasis, there are different types that all vary in levels of pain, treatment, and damage to the skin.

What are the different kinds of psoriasis and how can they affect you?

There are several different types of psoriasis! Just so I don’t share any incorrect information, here are the definitions as stated on The National Psoriasis Foundation website (psoriasis.org)!

  • Guttate Psoriasis:

Guttate psoriasis appears as small, round spots called papules [PAP-yules] that are raised and sometimes scaly. Guttate lesions usually appear on the arms, legs and torso, with rare cases forming in the scalp, face and ears.

Guttate psoriasis often develops suddenly and may appear after an infection like strep throat. It is a good idea to consult with your health care specialist to be checked for strep throat if you have guttate psoriasis, as that infection can occur without any obvious symptoms.

  • Inverse Psoriasis:

Inverse psoriasis (also known as intertriginous psoriasis) shows up as very red lesions in body folds. It may appear smooth and shiny. Many people have another type of psoriasis elsewhere on the body at the same time.

Inverse psoriasis is found in the armpits, groin, under the breasts and in other skin folds on the body.It is particularly subject to irritation from rubbing and sweating because of its location in skin folds and tender areas. It usually lacks the scale associated with plaque psoriasis due to the moist environment. It is more common in overweight people and people with deep skin folds.

  • Pustular Psoriasis

Pustular [PUHS-choo-lar] psoriasis is characterized by white pustules (blisters of noninfectious pus) surrounded by red skin. The pus consists of white blood cells. It is not an infection, nor is it contagious.

Pustular psoriasis is primarily seen in adults. It may be limited to certain areas of the body — for example, the hands and feet. Generalized pustular psoriasis also can cover most of the body. It tends to go in a cycle with reddening of the skin followed by pustules and scaling.

  • Erythrodermic Psoriasis

Erythrodermic [eh-REETH-ro-der-mik] psoriasis is a particularly inflammatory form of psoriasis that often affects most of the body surface. It may occur in association with von Zumbusch pustular psoriasis. It is a rare type of psoriasis, occurring once or more during the lifetime of 3 percent of people who have psoriasis. It generally appears on people who have unstable plaque psoriasis. This means the lesions are not clearly defined. Widespread, fiery redness and exfoliation of the skin characterize this form. Severe itching and pain often accompanies it.

What treatments are available for the different kinds of psoriasis?

Quite a few treatment options are available, such as injections, oral medications, topical creams, and even light therapy (phototherapy). I have only ever used topical creams and taken pain medication for my inverse + guttate psoriasis. Treatments like phototherapy or injections are incredibly expensive, and unfortunately, I am unable to afford them even with insurance. I know that both of these treatments have to be administered by a doctor, which require weekly or bi-weekly visits. There are phototherapy kits on Amazon to use as a home remedy, but I would recommend having a doctor administer the treatments in a medical setting.

Which moisturisers do you recommend for the dry skin psoriasis sufferers?

A few posts ago, I mentioned the wonders that the Curel Hydratherapy Wet Skin Moisturizer did for my skin (see how i saved my psoriatic skin). MG217 Medicated Multi-Symptom Coal Tar Ointment, MG217® Medicated Conditioning Coal Tar Shampoo, and Psoriasin Deep Moisturizing Ointment . (MG217 is approved by The National Psoriasis Foundation! My Patient Navigator Emma sent me several samples from this brand!) Anything with coal tar in it is extremely effective in relieving psoriasis symptoms. I’ve had complete healing from lesions and “holes” left from guttate psoriasis. However, it is very potent in both color and smell. Coal tar will stain your clothing, bedding, and skin a greenish-yellow tint. It has spread across my clothing, leaving trails of yellow streaks on white clothing in particular. If you use any of these topical creams, be sure to wear dark clothing!

And would they work for people who just have really bad dry skin?

Possibly! Though, it may be too strong for those who have mild dry skin.

How has having psoriasis affected your mental wellbeing?

In my last post psoriasis confidence?: i’m still not comfortable with my body, I gave sort of an in-depth account of how psoriasis caused my self-confidence to plummet and even affected my perception of myself as a woman. It has mostly affected my mental state in negative ways, causing me to have a low-self esteem. I’m still on the journey to accepting my body, but on more days than not, it’s hard.

What has helped you with your mental health recovery with tackling your psoriasis?

Talking about it with people who will listen has been the most effective method to helping me recover mentally. Sometimes, even if people don’t listen, I still talk about it anyway, just so it doesn’t fester in my mind and cause a panic attack. I’ve also begun riding my bike to relieve stress and actually, this is good for when you have arthritis, because it keeps your joints moving. Yet, I’ve also found that spending time alone has provided positive and negative outcomes in healing. For example, sometimes I like to be alone where I can read and be under my heating blanket in the quiet. But other times, I need to be around people because I don’t feel safe with being alone. Overall, just talking about it and finding a community online has begun to help me.

Is psoriasis something you’re born with, like a genetic disease, or is it something that can affect anyone?

I was not born with psoriasis, but it is a genetic disorder! I formed psoriasis after years of stress and anxiety, which was enhanced by a poor diet and lack of nutrition when I studied abroad in Hong Kong. I did have “eczema” as a kid, but looking back, I think it might’ve been a children’s form of psoriasis. But I’m not too sure.

What coping strategies do you have that you find affective for living with psoriasis, so that other suffers can benefit by using them for themselves?

  • Having open discussions with friends and family
  • Researching online everything you can so it’s not as scary
  • Reaching out to NPF because they have a reassuring and kind social media team that answers any questions you have, any time you have them
  • Speaking with a trusted doctor and being honest about your mental health
  • Looking for online support groups/others who have psoriasis
  • Watching YouTube videos online about how others cope, and listening to their stories
  • Be willing to try different methods of healing (topical creams, phototherapy, counseling for mental health, medication, meditation) and do not give up if a cream or medication doesn’t work. It took me about 2 years months to find an effective treatment!

Thank you to anyone who got this far in the post! I know it’s a bit long, but I wanted to answer the questions to my best ability. Thank you again to Unwanted Life for DM’ing me these really thoughtful questions. (Go ahead and give their blog and Twitter a follow too! They’re really supportive! 🙂 )I hope this helped you, and please don’t hesitate to reach out to either me or NPF with anything that you need.

Healing from psoriasis is possible. Just talk about it. Raise awareness. Try everything. You are not alone! 🙂

Love always,

-TPC

Twitter

Pinterest

Standard
Life with Psoriasis, Mental Health

psoriasis confidence?: i’m still not comfortable with my body

It’s been hard to admit, but I’m still not comfortable with my body.

I still am not content with how I look.

And trying to heal from the scars it leaves behind had been a long journey that I’m still on.

my hand.

This is my hand. I took this photo a little over a year ago. I don’t know if it’s too noticeable, but here (spring 2018) I was already showing the early signs of psoriasis. However, I was misdiagnosed by a doctor, who called it “neurotic excoriations.”

My hands would be covered in these itchy and burning patches that would bring searing pain every time I washed my hands. Then it started spreading up my arms, across my chest, and then down to my legs. At the worst point, I was unable to shower, go outside, and then later…wear clothes.

With psoriasis came hyperpigmentation, skin splitting, and lacerations. From around late fall of last year to early spring of this year (and even now), I didn’t know what it was like to feel pretty. I avoided looking in the mirror. When I did, all I’d see were my dry patches and flakes. Once the lacerations healed, I was left with dark scarring on my back, arms, and legs from the damage psoriasis had caused. I’d wear hats and hoodies every day to cover up my body. I felt ugly, and still do–even to this day. My body confidence has never been high. I’ve always felt I was subpar to the other girls in school. I tried to change myself (see my self image story) to make myself like other girls.

I wasn’t going on dates. I wasn’t hanging out with friends. In high school, I spent a lot of time alone, with my self-depricating thoughts about how I looked. When I was diagnosed with psoriasis, everything heightened. I beat myself up for letting the stress get to me. I blamed myself for forming psoriasis, cursing my body and asking God why He placed me in my own mold. Last semester, I determined that I would fit better in with male friend groups. I struggled with dissociating from my female identity because I didn’t think I was worthy enough to “be a woman”. I wore baggy clothes and a backwards hat every day for entire spring semester, because I didn’t think I was worthy enough to be feminine. (Mental health is an interesting thing, and I’ve never spoken about my dissociation from my female identity until now.)

I don’t think I’ll ever be as comfortable with my body. When I asked The National Psoriasis Foundation about how to cope with the scarring, they said, “time.” Right now, time is all I really have. I try to keep my skin as moiturized, but I can’t help the flashbacks I get when I look down at my skin and am reminded of the days where I’d lie in my bed and my skin felt as if I was on fire, not knowing if I’d make it to see the next day.

There was a beacon of hope when Kim Kardashian West released body makeup, and showed the amount of coverage the foundation provided, especially for people with psoriasis. Kardashian West has struggled with psoriasis for years, often speaking on her struggles, but sharing how she’s now accepted it. I was interested in buying this foundation. But then I wondered if it would really help me gain confidence…if I was just covering up the scarring, without accepting it first?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaZBQ7zDedQ

While I haven’t fully accepted my body or come to terms with it, but I know that there’s a potential to get there.

Thank you all for encouraging me to write this. Comment below what you link about KKW’s “pro-psoriasis” foundation! *Also, do you guys like my new logo??*

Love always,

-TPC

Twitter

Pinterest

Standard