my 5 favorite movies to watch on a self-care day

Hi there!

As you guys know, I love movies. I always have. The first movie I saw in the theaters was Lilo & Stitch (2001). I was amazed at how a story could be told on a screen, and not just in a book. In just two hours or less, when you watch a movie, you can be immersed in someone else’s story. And sometimes, there’s this magical moment where a movie really imprints on you and affects for the better. I’m still pretty traditional in that I cherish my DVDs. Don’t get me wrong, I love Netflix and I love the portability of Netflix. But my DVDs are forever. I’m the type of person that will see a movie a million times, and still buy the DVD. (Just as I’ll read a book at a library, love it, and will buy my own copy.) I picked five of my favorites to watch on a self-care day. Each day I take a few hours to myself to watch a movie with popcorn (see my disability morning routine) as it gives me a chance to rest my body and immerse myself in another narrative that isn’t me and my chronic illness/disability.

The Fault in Our Stars

Out of any and all of the movies I’ve ever seen in my life, I always go back to The Fault in Our Stars. I watch it at least once a month, I swear. It’s just something about that movie that’s so hopeful and magical, yet raw and real. It’s witty, and sad. I watch this movie when I’m happy or feeling low, in any mood. I love Shailene Woodley and pretty much every movie that she’s ever done. (See below to The Spectacular Now) I long to go to Amsterdam, because of this beautiful movie.

Me, Earl, and The Dying Girl

I watch this movie when I need a good laugh. But from the title, it doesn’t seem as if this movie is a laughing matter. But RJ Cyler as “Earl” keeps the movie lighthearted and fun, even when the topic of the movie is far from fun. The quick one-liners and awkward moments of silence depicts the reality of painfully quirky high school friendships. I first watched this movie after a friend recommended it in 2015 when it was first released and I bought the DVD winter break of that year. Ever since then, it’s stayed in my permanent collection and I just watched it last week!

The Spectacular Now

Another Shailene Woodley classic. I first saw the trailer for this movie on a cruise ship (while on family vacation) and I couldn’t wait to get back to the States to watch it. But when I got back to the States, I probably forgot to go see it. That was until I was in Wal-Mart and huzzah! There was The Spectacular Now movie on DVD. I got TSN DVD at the same time as getting the Me, Earl, and The Dying Girl DVD, and it was a tough decision–honestly-to pick which one to watch first. This movie also has an emotional place in my heart as I can relate to Shailene’s character, “Amy” on a few personal levels.

Up

I usually don’t cry in movies, but I teared up when I first watched Up. I also watched this movie in theaters with my mom and my best friend at the time. Sadly, we stopped being friends after we saw this movie (we didn’t have problems, but our families clashed for reasons we couldn’t control). I find this movie so pretty and colorful. I recently watched this movie with a close friend when I was at a low in my life, and it helped me. So, I guess this movie represents friendship and healing for me! And the ending is so satisfying.

Toy Story 3

All of my friends know that I have an obsession with Lotso (the bear that smells like strawberries. I know he’s evil. I know he’s the bad guy, but he’s my favorite. I have two plushies of him and a ton of Lotso merch!). Toy Story 3 just gives me the warm fuzzies, because of the ending. Woody and the gang just fight so hard, always stick together, prevailing against Lotso. I just find it to be so cute at the end when Andy gives the toys to Bonnie before he goes off to college. I thought it was the perfect ending. I like Toy Story 4, but I enjoyed Toy Story 3 much more.

Comment down below some of your favorite movies!

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Love always,

-TPC

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the same milk tea two years later | reflecting on myself

“Would I be friends with the person that I was two years ago?”

I ask myself this question as I walk up to a cafe I haven’t been to in two years. The first time I tried this milk tea, I wasn’t too much different than I am now. The first time I went here, I was in a nasty depression-anxiety cycle because I was undeniably terrified of studying abroad in Hong Kong alone, which meant I had to make new friends, live in a new place, eat new food, and leave my core group of friends in the States for two months. Over the weekend, I felt that same nostalgia of being sad walking in. As you know, I’ve been struggling lately, but somehow ended up being at the same place where my depression brought me two years ago.

The cafe itself is exactly the same. The tea tastes exactly the same. The same employees are there. Nothing has changed on the menu. It’s still a bit overcrowded and tables are placed randomly alongside a walk-up coffee bar. But it made me think about how a place can stay the same and the people can change within it. Everyone goes about their life, visiting the same places, but not as the person they were–but as the person they are now. And every time you visit a place, you leave your mark there as the person you were in that moment, and you’ll never be the same person in the same place twice. Life is beautiful and scary and ever-changing.

2017

When this photo was taken, I’d just been through a breakup. The breakup was toxic and hurtful. I completed a summer job, and felt comfortably financially. But mentally, I was not well. I numbed my pain in faking who I was online. Everything had to be curated. I couldn’t go anywhere without taking a picture and posted an edited photo. I spent so long editing this one that I stressed about the likes, hoping they’d reach a certain number. I escaped myself by becoming a “lifestyle blogger” trying to keep up with the ones who’d been doing this because it was their passion for years. (See my self-image story) I’d just deleted my high school Instagram to rid myself of the photos of my ex and I, instead of just taking the time to delete him away. On top of trying to keep up with appearances, the stress of obtaining a travel visa and the fear that I was going to hate Hong Kong caused my skin to begin to “breakout,” and I was starting to get itchy all over, but didn’t know how to control it.

Now, I’m in a much better place. I’ve been getting in touch with my faith. I’ve shifted my focus in what I want out of life and blogging. I’ve been discovering new coping mechanisms for anxiety and my depression. I’ve been enjoying outside more. I’ve been reflecting more. I was feeling so alone for the past few weeks, but yesterday, everything seemed to change. I reconnected with friends. I found happiness yesterday in reaching out for help, instead of being embarrassed about it. I went somewhere new (see celebrating #nationalicecreamday in d.c. with jeni’s!) and I feel like that relieved the fog that I had over myself for the past few weeks. I’ve accepted that I am no longer able to work because of my disability. Instead of letting it destroy me, I’ve been searching for some online opportunities, like applying for artists grants and signing up for affiliate programs. (I signed up for three last night! *Fingers crossed*) While I’m not perfectly content with where I am, I know I have room to grow, but I think I already have in small ways.

2019

To answer the question above, I do think I’d be friends with the person that I was two years ago, but I’d just worry about her. I’d worry about her because of the scars on her arms and her constantly teary eyes. I’d worry about her because her head would always be down. I’d worry about her because she seemed to smile all of the time, but never tell me how she’d feel. I’d tell her that she is not her Instagram feed, and that she is allowed to struggle even if her Instagram doesn’t show it.

*While writing this post, I just received an affiliate program offer! One that I was holding my breath on and really hoping I’d get it because the company because I really respect what they do and the services that they offer. I’ll tell you more about it when all of the forms are finalized!*

Comment down below a place that you visit often (or maybe not) and have noticed growth in yourself!

I am now taking submissions for guests posts on this blog! So, if you have psoriatic arthritis, a disability, chronic illness, or struggle with your mental health, I want to hear from you! DM me on Twitter or drop me an email at thepsoriasisclub@outlook.com, if you’re interested.