Tag Archives: blogging

Mental Health

i have blogging anxiety.

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Strangely enough, my blog has become an anxiety-inducing factor in my life. I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to have perfect posts uploaded at the same time every day, hash-tagging everything to gain as much exposure as I can. I may have lost my passion for blogging, just that quickly, because of the pressure I put on myself. Blogging has now become sort of a dreaded thing. Unwritten posts seem like mountains maybe I can’t climb today. My head is just not in the space for (daily) blogging.

I started this blog to speak about my mental health, to be honest with what audience I had, to share my life, and to speak openly about my psoriasis. But maybe I placed myself in a box–a limitation that I can only speak about those things. And this past week, I haven’t really been up to speaking about my struggles, because in the previous weeks, I’ve been trying to heal from my own trauma. I think my niche of being a mental health blogger has overwhelmed me in that I feel like I can only talk about mental health. Or that I can only talk about chronic health.

For the past few days, I’ve been placing my energy in the hands of God, and I’d like to share my journey with you. But I feel like that I can’t, because I’ve created this platform of “The Psoriasis Club,” where my content only has to be about psoriasis.

I’ve also come to terms that I’m fishing for the same nostalgia that my previous lifestyle blog used to bring me. I’m putting pressure on myself to regain that following and happiness that I used to have with that blog. I thought about how I keep forcing myself to start at zero instead of just taking a break and continuing from where I was before. There is no rule saying that you can’t pick up back where you left off. There is no rule saying you have to start over every time. I left my old blog for memories sake. It was a dark time for me, while writing on that blog, because I was chronicling every aspect of my life openly…and it’s something I’d like to forget. I’d figure I’d get a fresh start with a new blog, but this one is starting to overwhelm me. I don’t have the drive and passion anymore, because I was lying to myself that I could reach the same “blogging Nirvana” as my old blog, which came from a genuine place that just so happened to gain a little following. My Twitter too. Everything about the engagement from that blog was authentic. On that Twitter, I gained over 1,000 followers–close to 2,000. Whereas now, I’m struggling to reach above 200.

I know we shouldn’t put worth on our follower count (and I spoke about that here ), but I get angry at myself for building up something and dedicating myself to creating a community, then deactivate my accounts because those seem to get to be too much, and then I abandon them to make a new one. I feel like most people have social media accounts and keep only one forever. But me, each new account gives me a chance to escape from who I truly am, and create a persona that I think people will like…instead of just accepting who I actually am.

I don’t know when I’ll log back in and make a new post. Or if I just need to stop hiding behind these new accounts over and over again. I’ve been on a journey of reading my Bible daily and creating Bible studies for myself, and that’s something I very much am enjoying right now. Maybe I’ll make a “Christian” category or maybe I will pop up again on the internet as someone new that you won’t be able to recognize, with a new URL and social media.

No matter my choice, I hope you stick with me.

-TPC

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the same milk tea two years later | reflecting on myself

“Would I be friends with the person that I was two years ago?”

I ask myself this question as I walk up to a cafe I haven’t been to in two years. The first time I tried this milk tea, I wasn’t too much different than I am now. The first time I went here, I was in a nasty depression-anxiety cycle because I was undeniably terrified of studying abroad in Hong Kong alone, which meant I had to make new friends, live in a new place, eat new food, and leave my core group of friends in the States for two months. Over the weekend, I felt that same nostalgia of being sad walking in. As you know, I’ve been struggling lately, but somehow ended up being at the same place where my depression brought me two years ago.

The cafe itself is exactly the same. The tea tastes exactly the same. The same employees are there. Nothing has changed on the menu. It’s still a bit overcrowded and tables are placed randomly alongside a walk-up coffee bar. But it made me think about how a place can stay the same and the people can change within it. Everyone goes about their life, visiting the same places, but not as the person they were–but as the person they are now. And every time you visit a place, you leave your mark there as the person you were in that moment, and you’ll never be the same person in the same place twice. Life is beautiful and scary and ever-changing.

2017

When this photo was taken, I’d just been through a breakup. The breakup was toxic and hurtful. I completed a summer job, and felt comfortably financially. But mentally, I was not well. I numbed my pain in faking who I was online. Everything had to be curated. I couldn’t go anywhere without taking a picture and posted an edited photo. I spent so long editing this one that I stressed about the likes, hoping they’d reach a certain number. I escaped myself by becoming a “lifestyle blogger” trying to keep up with the ones who’d been doing this because it was their passion for years. (See my self-image story) I’d just deleted my high school Instagram to rid myself of the photos of my ex and I, instead of just taking the time to delete him away. On top of trying to keep up with appearances, the stress of obtaining a travel visa and the fear that I was going to hate Hong Kong caused my skin to begin to “breakout,” and I was starting to get itchy all over, but didn’t know how to control it.

Now, I’m in a much better place. I’ve been getting in touch with my faith. I’ve shifted my focus in what I want out of life and blogging. I’ve been discovering new coping mechanisms for anxiety and my depression. I’ve been enjoying outside more. I’ve been reflecting more. I was feeling so alone for the past few weeks, but yesterday, everything seemed to change. I reconnected with friends. I found happiness yesterday in reaching out for help, instead of being embarrassed about it. I went somewhere new (see celebrating #nationalicecreamday in d.c. with jeni’s!) and I feel like that relieved the fog that I had over myself for the past few weeks. I’ve accepted that I am no longer able to work because of my disability. Instead of letting it destroy me, I’ve been searching for some online opportunities, like applying for artists grants and signing up for affiliate programs. (I signed up for three last night! *Fingers crossed*) While I’m not perfectly content with where I am, I know I have room to grow, but I think I already have in small ways.

2019

To answer the question above, I do think I’d be friends with the person that I was two years ago, but I’d just worry about her. I’d worry about her because of the scars on her arms and her constantly teary eyes. I’d worry about her because her head would always be down. I’d worry about her because she seemed to smile all of the time, but never tell me how she’d feel. I’d tell her that she is not her Instagram feed, and that she is allowed to struggle even if her Instagram doesn’t show it.

*While writing this post, I just received an affiliate program offer! One that I was holding my breath on and really hoping I’d get it because the company because I really respect what they do and the services that they offer. I’ll tell you more about it when all of the forms are finalized!*

Comment down below a place that you visit often (or maybe not) and have noticed growth in yourself!

I am now taking submissions for guests posts on this blog! So, if you have psoriatic arthritis, a disability, chronic illness, or struggle with your mental health, I want to hear from you! DM me on Twitter or drop me an email at thepsoriasisclub@outlook.com, if you’re interested.

Love always,

-TPC

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Life with Psoriasis

my (morning) disability routine: blogging, movies, and medication!

Not every day is exactly the same when you have a disability. But for me, it’s easy to fall into a routine. I find routines to be very comforting and safe. It gives me a sense of pacing and grounding in my life. When my routine is thrown for a curve (such as when I was in school or when I recently went on my graduation trip–where most things are very spontaneous–I find that’s where I begin to struggle. My routine is not glamorous, or Pinterest worthy, or aesthetically-pleasing. My routine consists mostly of trying to get through the day and onto the next one. But it’s mine…and I’ve accepted it.

Photo by Ioana Tabarcea on Unsplash

6:30 a.m.

My mornings usually begin a little something like this, minus the cat (I’m allergic + also afraid). For the past week, I haven’t been sleeping in. Instead, I’ve decided to take advantage of the morning. After graduation, I began sleeping in until 10 a.m. after going to bed at 3 a.m. I quickly realized that this was not benefitting me, so after my graduation trip when I received my job, I started waking up around 4:30 a.m. Since then, I’ve quit my job for my health (you guys seem to really gravitate to this post) and now I let my body wake up naturally. Usually around 6:30-7 a.m. with no grogginess. However, I do wake up with joint pain every morning and have to wrap myself in my heated blanket until further notice!

7-9 a.m.

I treat my blog, like a job, which then provides structure and routine for my day. After spending a little time pinning on Pinterest and responding to any DM’s or blog comments I may have gotten while I was asleep, I jump right into making my blog post for that day. When I had previous blogs in the past (I used to be a lifestyle blogger right before I got sick two years ago, but quit because it felt unauthentic), I planned every post. Now, I wake up and decide that day. I use Pinterest for inspiration sometimes, but I try not to put the pressure on myself to fit in with what everyone else is writing. I don’t focus on SEO or keywords. I write what I feel.

The first thing I do before writing a post is creating a blog graphic. I use Canva, and have for years. Their interface is incredibly easy and I like their wide range of social media templates, fonts, and colors. *This is not sponsored by Canva, but maybe one day! :)* I then choose any photos I’d like to use from Unsplash (a free photo website where photographers upload beautiful images that are perfect to use for either blogging or social media! No cheesy stock photos here!) After the blog post is written, I spend about another hour scheduling tweets on Hootsuite. I find Hootsuite to be the most effective for me because I can easily copy and paste hashtags from the previous day’s blog’s with their content calendar. Hootsuite also has a mobile app too, making it easier to post tweets if you’re unable to spend time promoting blog posts or other social media things. I schedule my posts and tweets for 11 a.m. EST, putting in as many hashtags as I can. Then, I schedule again for four more times throughout the day. After I started doing this and pinning my blog posts to Pinterest, I noticed my engagement increased little by little each day!

9-11 a.m.

Once everything is scheduled, I usually can relax for a while I enjoy a healthy breakfast. (see what i eat in a day or photo above) Around this time, I try to put my phone down if the arthritis in my hands begin to flare. I try to enjoy the news, but often times it’s pretty sad, so maybe I’ll watch YouTube videos. I really hate scrolling through social media because I found that I can’t enjoy my food when I do this, but it’s a bad habit I need to break.

I occupy myself until my post uploads and my tweets are sent at around 11 a.m. EST. There’s always a lot of anticipation for this. When I first started blogging (not too long ago), I’d constantly be checking my stats and wondering why no one was commenting AS SOON as my post was uploaded. Now I’ve become more relaxed, accepting comments gratefully as they come.

Photo by The CEO Kid on Unsplash

12 p.m.

From this point of the day onward, I don’t have much going on. The pain may or may not have reached a peak. Pins and needles shoot through my back, shoulders, and legs, which is why I get up so early and tackle blog things when the pain is just numbing and annoying. I take first dose of pain medication, which then makes me drowsy, and I fall asleep for about an hour. Then, the morning is over! For these past few days, the pain has been hard to endure. So I take it easy. We’re also experiencing a heat watch, which means it’s dangerous for babies, the elderly, and those with health conditions to even be outside. Frankly, I like staying on my couch. For someone with a chronic illness, this is an accomplishment for me: moving from the bed to couch as it requires to take the stairs, which then inflames my joint pain. I really only have the energy to watch a movie and eat popcorn, so I spend the rest of the day trying to tame my flares and distract myself.

I chose this photo as sort of a confidence booster for myself because often times I am called “lazy” by family members and friends for not being able to be “active” in ways people think I should be. It hurts, but I’m doing my best. That’s all I can do.

Thank you so much for reading! Comment down below one thing that you have to do every day!

I am now taking submissions for guests posts on this blog! So, if you have psoriatic arthritis, a disability, chronic illness, or struggle with your mental health, I want to hear from you! DM me on Twitter or drop me an email at thepsoriasisclub@outlook.com, if you’re interested.

I’m also thinking about creating a Twitter chat for us! Let me know if this is something you’d like to participate in.

Love always,

-TPC

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