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Mental Health

i have blogging anxiety.

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Strangely enough, my blog has become an anxiety-inducing factor in my life. I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to have perfect posts uploaded at the same time every day, hash-tagging everything to gain as much exposure as I can. I may have lost my passion for blogging, just that quickly, because of the pressure I put on myself. Blogging has now become sort of a dreaded thing. Unwritten posts seem like mountains maybe I can’t climb today. My head is just not in the space for (daily) blogging.

I started this blog to speak about my mental health, to be honest with what audience I had, to share my life, and to speak openly about my psoriasis. But maybe I placed myself in a box–a limitation that I can only speak about those things. And this past week, I haven’t really been up to speaking about my struggles, because in the previous weeks, I’ve been trying to heal from my own trauma. I think my niche of being a mental health blogger has overwhelmed me in that I feel like I can only talk about mental health. Or that I can only talk about chronic health.

For the past few days, I’ve been placing my energy in the hands of God, and I’d like to share my journey with you. But I feel like that I can’t, because I’ve created this platform of “The Psoriasis Club,” where my content only has to be about psoriasis.

I’ve also come to terms that I’m fishing for the same nostalgia that my previous lifestyle blog used to bring me. I’m putting pressure on myself to regain that following and happiness that I used to have with that blog. I thought about how I keep forcing myself to start at zero instead of just taking a break and continuing from where I was before. There is no rule saying that you can’t pick up back where you left off. There is no rule saying you have to start over every time. I left my old blog for memories sake. It was a dark time for me, while writing on that blog, because I was chronicling every aspect of my life openly…and it’s something I’d like to forget. I’d figure I’d get a fresh start with a new blog, but this one is starting to overwhelm me. I don’t have the drive and passion anymore, because I was lying to myself that I could reach the same “blogging Nirvana” as my old blog, which came from a genuine place that just so happened to gain a little following. My Twitter too. Everything about the engagement from that blog was authentic. On that Twitter, I gained over 1,000 followers–close to 2,000. Whereas now, I’m struggling to reach above 200.

I know we shouldn’t put worth on our follower count (and I spoke about that here ), but I get angry at myself for building up something and dedicating myself to creating a community, then deactivate my accounts because those seem to get to be too much, and then I abandon them to make a new one. I feel like most people have social media accounts and keep only one forever. But me, each new account gives me a chance to escape from who I truly am, and create a persona that I think people will like…instead of just accepting who I actually am.

I don’t know when I’ll log back in and make a new post. Or if I just need to stop hiding behind these new accounts over and over again. I’ve been on a journey of reading my Bible daily and creating Bible studies for myself, and that’s something I very much am enjoying right now. Maybe I’ll make a “Christian” category or maybe I will pop up again on the internet as someone new that you won’t be able to recognize, with a new URL and social media.

No matter my choice, I hope you stick with me.

-TPC

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what i eat in a day | healthy + easy meals for psoriatic skin

Hi there!

While I am currently struggling a bit with my mental health, and sometimes eating seems like a big task, I realized I had to find joy in the little things. Such as getting creative with food. I just recently quit my job for my health, so now I have more time to focus on myself. I don’t live on my own, because I attempted to do so last year, and it negatively impacted both my physical and mental health. So, I’ve moved back home. On this day, my mom and I decided to get creative with lunch and it turned out surprisingly good!

Breakfast

green smoothie + frosted rice krispies

Breakfast is relatively the same every day. When I was working, all I’d have time for in the morning was cereal. But then as soon as I’d leave my house (at 5:30 a.m.) I’d already be starving on the drive to work. I’ve been wanting to add more to my breakfasts, so this morning I made a green smoothie. I first started making smoothies last year when I used to live on my own. I was obsessed, and would drink one three times a day with my meals. My roommate even started making them with me. I use Dole frozen fruit, which I find to be the most convenient. This one is a mix of pineapple, apples, mangos, spinach, and pineapple juice (my go-to combo). I added a vegan protein powder that sort of ruined the smoothie, was gritty, and I wasn’t used to the texture. But without the powder, it’s very good. When I was a kid I loved the Rice Krispie Treats cereal, but I haven’t found it in years! Frosted Krispies is similar, but definitely not the same.

Lunch

baked beans, ground beef, rice, and corn

Lunch got a little interesting as we decided to experiment. For years, my mom has always made plain baked beans with hot dogs. That was a go-to meal for us. But I dated a boy who’s family used to always put ground beef in their baked beans for special dinners at their house on Sunday. I tried it once and instantly fell in love. Years later, I convinced my mom to do the same. I was reminiscing about when we always used to go to a restaurant called Rosa Mexicana and gorge on their Mexican street corn. We didn’t have all of the tools to make it, but we improvised. It ended up being a hit and we ate it so quickly. No leftovers here! Beans + meat provide protein!

Dinner

tilapia, peas, and mac + cheese

Fruits, veggies, and fish all have anti-inflammatory properties that help tame psoriasis. Fish has omega-3 fatty acids that help build a weakened immune system. I’ve always loved the flavor of fish, peas, and mac + cheese. I’ve been eating this same meal since I was a kid. There’s just something about it that gives me a warm and cozy feeling. Knowing that it’s helping me tame my psoriasis is even better. Did you notice that we drink a lot of lemonade?

Thank you so much for reading this post! Hopefully, this will give you some meal ideas if you have psoriasis, or just looking for some healthier meal options versus going out to eat. Comment down below some of your favorite childhood meals.

Love always,

-TPC

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Journal

i quit my job for my health, but now i’m lost.| how i’ve been feeling lately #1

Hi there.

I’m going to be honest with you: I do not feel my best. Mild, but prevelant anxiety has crept it’s way back into my life. I feel as I am in a fog, sort of listless in life. I do not enjoy this feeling in the slightest. But for today’s post, I will just vent and put everything out there. If you’d like to read more upbeat posts about psoriasis advocacy, here are some recent posts:

But if you’d like to stay, you can. And if you’ve ever felt the same way I have, you can always return here and read this post. You are not alone.

I’ve had to quit my job.

After graduating last month, there was pressure to find a job–immediately. I searched for weeks on Indeed, applying as fast as my fingers could type. For about a month, I was swimming in the sea of oblivion, not knowing if I’d ever get a job.

And then huzzah!

A job fell into place. But just as sudden it fell into my lap, it suddenly became toxic. I was hired the day I was interviewed and was convinced that the job would be smooth sailing. However, that wasn’t the case. There were many issues from the start that I pretended didn’t exist. Besides that, the job was physically taxing on my body. Even though I only worked a few days a a week, I was required to transport heavy equipment and move things that I wasn’t expected to while others stood around and watched. On Monday of this week, I came home and my hip was locked so tightly that I wasn’t unable to walk up the stairs. I cried for hours, went to work the next morning, and continued to suffer more. I understood that there was nothing that the company could do about my pain. But besides that, the environment itself was draining and I was often being commanded by the male employees and told to undo things just to redo them and be critiqued. I was also being rushed from the male employees for them only to get frustrated and snatch the work from my hands. Also, a male employee claimed he was “passing by me” and brushed up against me.

I quit the next day, after my manager coincidentally called me asking “how are things?”, and I didn’t hold back.

I’ve felt very alone this week.

Not being in school for so long and not being around my friends has taken a toll on me. I spent a lot of time alone and reflecting, often getting caught in my head and trapping myself in negative thoughts. Not being around people who are like me has caused me to feel very confused at where I am.

I’m struggling with the arthritis pain, upset that I haven’t adapted to it yet.

I’ve been struggling with psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis for close to two years. But since graduating, my pain has seemed to increased. I’m not sure if the depression/anxiety cycle has affected the pain in my joints, but I’m having a hard time coping. I know the pain is not my fault, but I often blame myself more times than not for how I’m feeling. It’s very hard to function when the pain is this strong. I remember the days (not too long ago) when walking around in the sun didn’t affected me. But now I spent most of my days in bed, blogging and reading, trying to distract myself from the pain. It’s frustrating to have pain every single day and not get a break.

I feel very lost and it’s as if I’m floating.

I don’t like talking about my condition with my friends. I usually just keep everything bottled inside. Just a few nights ago, I did open up to a friend and I felt guilty. I felt guilty because I opened up to them. They were asking questions about the pain, trying to find a situation in how pain related to them. But they haven’t responded to my messages in about two days and I fear that I have burdened them with my problems. I don’t like speaking about psoriasis unless it’s with someone who has experienced the same as me, because I think others without it, struggle to process the severity of it and flee or they say, “I’m sorry,” and we move on. No one is obligated to listen to me. I will not force them to.

Thanks for making it to the bottom, if you did! I’d like to make this a series called “How I’ve Been Feeling Lately,” maybe posting weekly updates on my physical and emotional health. Let me know if I should continue!

I’m currently taking written submissions to be featured on the blog! Send me a DM on Twitter @lepsoriasisclub or send me an email: thepsoriasisclub@outlook.com

Love always,

-TPC

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Life with Psoriasis, Mental Health

how i saved my psoriatic skin | coping with psoriasis

I can’t help but to get a little emotional when I think back over how much my skin has improved since I first noticed symptoms of psoriasis back in the fall of 2017. I’ve come a long way. Now, almost two years later, I feel like I’m in control, and I’m proud of myself from the progress I’ve made. The first step in coping with both chronic and mental illness is to give yourself a routine and know what works best for you. Routines can be calming in that you can control some aspect of your daily life. For me, routines provide a sense of relief and independence. Here are four things that saved my psoriatic skin:

The National Psoriasis Foundation

I cannot thank The National Psoriasis Foundation enough for providing me a source of support through one of my darkest moments. After a coworker told me that I had psoriasis (before I was clinically diagnosed), I immediately researched it and tried to find as many answers as I could.

Luckily, I stumbled across The National Psoriasis Foundation. I was matched with a “Patient Navigator” named Emma, who I’d email frequently to help figure out how to cope with my psoriasis. Around this time, I’d been developing guttate psoriasis alongside inverse psoriasis. Guttate psoriasis create small holes onto the skin that are basically open sores. This one is sort of terrifying to have scattered all over your body. However, the inverse psoriasis was the most pain I’ve ever experienced, as inflammation is on the inside of the skin, causing the skin to be sensitive to the touch. It felt as if an iron was always pressed against my skin.

Fortunately, Emma provided a warm reassurance that my psoriasis journey had just begun and that healing was possible. As a way to kickstart the healing process, she sent me samples of products catered specifically for psoriatic skin. These products lasted through my winter break and helped ease the symptoms. Psoriasis slowly began to feel like something I could conquer.

Also during that winter break, NPF invited me to Boston to attend the lighting of the Prudential Center. I met others who were just like me, finding their way through psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis. I was even asked to speak at the event! Having a strong support system eased my anxiety and fear that I used to have about my psoriasis!

Curel Hydratherapy Wet Skin Moisturizer

Photo by OhToBeAMuse

I don’t know where I would be without this product. This was in the sample pack that Emma sent me. During the worst flares, I couldn’t shower. My skin would immediately dry in water, causing my skin to burn and split open. I was using products (with CBD oils) that I thought would soothe my skin. When in reality, I was doing just the opposite. I’ll never forget my first shower with this. I was almost brought to tears as my skin began to smoothe again. I’ve been using this since late December and haven’t had an issue with it. It’s activated by water, so you don’t dry yourself before putting it on. After using it for six months, my psoriasis has completely cleared. I fully recommend this (even if you have ezcema or dry skin).

Mario Badescu Sprays

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Mario Badescu saved my skin. I’ve used all three “colors”, however for psoriatic skin I found that the green tea one was the most effective in clearing dry patches and redness. I also started spraying this in my hair every day, and found that it eased the uncomfortable sores and scalp flaking that I used to be so embarrassed about. Now, I have little to no flaking when I brush my hair. Whereas before, it used to snow whenever I ran a brush through my scalp. It may not sound like a big deal, but it was unnerving and I became anxiously self-conscious whenever I’d scratch my scalp in class, and leave behind piles of dry skin.

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drinking water + changing my diet

It may sound a bit juvenile, but drinking water daily did wonders for my skin. Before I was diagnosed, because I was in a foreign country and having a nut allergy meant I was limited to eating what I knew: McDonald’s. It was convenient and relatively inexpensive. There were two McDonald’s on campus that I’d always go to for a quick meal. But in doing so, I was poisoning myself with the grease and only inflaming my skin more. Now, I don’t eat fast food as much. Instead, I trade fries for a fruit smoothie for a snack and drink plenty of water throughout the day. It may be annoying to constantly drink water, but trust me, it flushes out the toxins that will cause you to flare up. It’s essential!

These are my top four things that truly saved my skin. It hasn’t been an easy or quick journey in the least. I don’t know if people know this, but a side effect of psoriasis is actually anxiety and/or depression. I can second that. If you’d like to see a post about how I coped mentally with my psoriasis, let me know! (Skin-positive post coming soon. Thank you all so much for telling me it’s something you’d check out!)

Love always,

-TPC

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